Chasing Happiness? Here’s Why It Doesn’t Work – and What Does

Why Achieving More Never Feels Like Enough, And How to Break the Cycle

Have you ever finally achieved something you deeply wanted like a promotion, a purchase, a milestone and felt amazing… for a moment? And then, almost immediately, your mind jumped to the next thing? You’re not alone. This experience has a name: hedonic adaptation, or Chasing Happiness.

It means our brains quickly get used to new achievements and reset the baseline of what “normal” feels like. What once felt special becomes the new standard. As a result, we chase the next goal, then the next, hoping each one will finally make us feel fulfilled. But the happiness boost stays temporary, no matter how big the accomplishment is.

Here’s the truth:

Lasting contentment doesn’t come from achieving more, it comes from appreciating what you already have. This isn’t about losing ambition or giving up your dreams. It’s about shifting from constant striving to meaningful living, building a life rooted in values, not external achievements.

Why Our Achievements Stop Feeling Special

A few psychological processes explain this:

1. Hedonic Adaptation

Your mind adapts quickly to positive changes. What felt exciting becomes ordinary within days or weeks.

2. Social Comparison

Once you reach a milestone, there’s always someone who has the next level, a nicer job, more success, more recognition.

3. The Productivity Mindset

We’re conditioned to believe that “more” = “better.” So when we achieve something, our brain asks, What’s next?

4. Fear-Based Motivation

For many people, the chase is not about desire, but fear:

Fear of falling behind, fear of not living up to expectations, fear of worth being tied to performance. Knowing this helps us understand why fulfilment feels fleeting — and how to build a deeper sense of satisfaction.

Three Ways to Practice Contentment This Week, i.e. not Chasing Happiness

These aren’t grand lifestyle changes, just gentle shifts you can try right now.

1. In Your Work: Celebrate Meaningful Contribution

Instead of asking:

➡️ “How much more can I get done?”

Try asking:

➡️ “What meaningful contribution did I make today?”

Work doesn’t have to be a measure of output alone. Acknowledge the skills you’re improving, the challenges you’ve overcome, and the effort you bring every day. This shift reduces pressure and increases purpose.

2. In Your Relationships: Embrace Imperfect People (Including Yourself)

Expecting people to be perfect, partners, friends, family, even yourself, creates endless disappointment.

Contentment in relationships grows from acceptance. Notice the small acts of love. Appreciate people for who they are, not who you imagine they “should” be. Imperfections make room for connection, tenderness, and patience.

3. For Personal Growth: Slow Down, Don’t Speed Up

Growth isn’t always about adding more. Sometimes it’s about subtracting pressure. Give yourself time for activities that nourish you, reading, art, movement, rest, music, silence. Let yourself simply be instead of constantly trying to “be better.” Enjoying the moment is also growth, the kind that lasts.

A Reflection Question

Which areas of your life do you find hardest to accept as “enough”? What about them makes acceptance difficult? How to stop Chasing Happiness

This answer can reveal hidden expectations or fears that keep you stuck in striving mode.

 Activity: The “Already Enough” Pause

Here’s a simple but powerful activity:

The 30-Second Enough Check-In

1. Pause at any point in your day.
2. Place your hand on your heart.
3. Ask yourself:
   “What is one thing in my life right now that I already have… that I once really wanted?”
4. Breathe deeply for 5 seconds.
5. Let that truth settle in your body.

Do this once a day for a week.

You’ll feel the shift.

A Gentle Reminder

When you learn to appreciate what you already have, you break the exhausting chase of always trying to get “there”, wherever “there” is. Gratitude creates a steady foundation.

It grounds you in who you are, not just what you do. Contentment doesn’t mean settling. It means living fully, even before everything is perfect.

Credits: Therapist Christymol